All spouses disagree at times, especially when there are children in the family. Your daughter wants to go to the mall with her friends. She really wants to go. But your spouse says he can’t go because he arrived last night ten minutes after the curfew.
You think this is insensitive. Or maybe it’s just the opposite. Your spouse gave in, ignored the consequence, and told him he could go. You think this has no backbone. How do you argue your point?
Since you both want the best for your child, here are some ideas to remember before you start talking about anything related to parenting with your spouse. Not in front of children One of the few rigid rules in parenting. Nothing will be gained by arguing in front of children.
Children need their parents to provide them with security. They feel safe when their mother and father work together as a team, as a unit. When they see their parents arguing, they feel insecure.
Don’t do this to your children. Most decisions can wait. Tell your daughter that you need to think about her trip to the mall. Go to a different room and discuss the issue. Back up your spouse If your spouse has already told your daughter that he or she can (or can’t) go to the mall, swallow hard, bite your tongue, and say nothing.
Connect with your community every morning. Always back up your spouse, even if you disagree with his or her decision. In general, whether or not your daughter goes to the mall will not change her life.
But seeing that your parents disagree will negatively affect your daughter’s emotional well-being and can have long-term consequences. Act as a united team. Of course, once your daughter leaves the scene, you can talk to your spouse about what rules you expect your daughter to follow and what your policy should be if you don’t follow them.
Respect and Commitment Now that you are alone, you and your spouse are ready to talk about parenting. Conversations about parenting should follow the same rules as all conversations with your spouse.
You just have to be more discriminating with the help you render toward other people. Don’t blame or blame. It’s not your spouse’s fault that your child was punished at school, didn’t follow house rules, or punched his or her tongue. Respectful conversation focuses on practical plans for the future: what will we do now?
What punishments or rewards should we give our children? Are there any rules we need to follow? What can we do to strengthen our relationship with our children? Remember that commitment is inevitable and important. No matter how wonderful your marriage is, you and your spouse have grown up differently and have different opinions.
One tends to be stricter and one tends to be looser. You need to think about a policy that you both agree on. One spouse thinks your daughter should be able to go to the mall and the other thinks you shouldn’t let her go.
Maybe you can drop it this time with a warning? Tell him you noticed that the curfew arrived a few minutes late yesterday and that you will not overlook another such offence. Or maybe you won’t let her go to the mall, but she’ll let you invite friends.
Ultimately, this decision will not make such a big difference in your child’s life. What will make the difference is the fact that you and your spouse present as a united team and that you model respectful and supportive behaviour.